Monday, August 9, 2010

Feelin' Froggy

Mentally distracted
Eminem came and has me captured
I went willingly, it wasn’t a kidnapping.

I listen for the lyrics – not the beat,
The empty meaningless words, or the rap,

I listen so I can relate and relax – so
I feel a little less suicidal, homicidal
That particular day.

He’s talkin’ about cleanin’ up and leavin’
The game and I’m fucked up about that.
What will I do without his music –
His tunes. I can’t even imagine it.

He’s got one more cd comin’ out
And he claims that’s the last.
I think it might be the end of me.
I will have nothing left to get me
Through, my music is EVERYTHING
To me kinda like my buffer and pills –
The ABILIFY to the Anti-Depressant –
Boosts it as it goes through my system.

Last time I cried over a singer going’
Down was when 2PAC “died”* he was
When my drug use went a lil crazier
Than usual. I’m already 2 seconds from going back there.

I don’t want the hard dope or smack
Just roll me a joint and let me relax.
Fortunately I can’t do that to myself –
I have a son to take care of- an
Example to set- and most of all its
Got more complications than it’s
Worth just like the alcohol I crave.

I resisted it – I will again today too.
Why? Because, I have to show myself I love
Her too. Nobody else will if I don’t.

I just don’t know how much further
My limits are going to be pushed.
A woman abused my son at daycare
My husband is just a flat out asshole about everything
My son is difficult to deal with
And I have enough problems to last
Me and a small country a lifetime and then some

Please God, someone give me a break.
Somewhere, someday, @ some point.

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